The weekend before I came back I drove up to Yosemite with a friend of mine from work. We stayed at an Airbnb run by a very nice 82 year old man named Larry. He told me that my coworker seemed like a really nice girl and that we should bring our kids back one day.

“Oh, we work together,” I said.

“That must be nice!” he said. “You don’t have to bring work home.”

Precious Larry.

He also told us everything he knew about the Philippines.

“I used to go up to women on the street and ask them, can I buy your baby? You know what they said? ‘How much?’ Isn’t that crazy?”

Yes Larry, it is crazy that you would ask a pregnant woman to buy her baby, regardless of whether or not you were serious.

Precious Larry.

The airbnb was also run by a Filipino woman named Marilyn, who we assumed was his wife, although she seemed to be in her 40’s or 50’s. Her mother lived there with them, an old slim woman who wandered around with a vacuum cleaner cleaning the hallways and scaring the shit out of us. She seemed closer to Larry’s age, so maybe she was his wife, but the listing said “Run by Larry and Marilyn”, so why would he run an airbnb with his daughter in law?

Maybe because, as my coworker put it, “Sex sells”. Not that Marilyn was all that sexy, but when you’re in the mountains it’s slim pickings.

All in all, a 5 star airbnb.

-Theodore Dandy

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